That's our thing!
by Jlove32
Summary: "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" Sheldon was right about that, but the gang didn't really know the meaning of awkward until Sheldon and Amy had become intimate. This is a series of very short snippets about what life might be like around those two after they've done the deed.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer** : I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre do, and hopefully will give us some delightful innuendos and outuendos from our dear Shamy in the near future._

 _ **A/N** : This is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Sheldon and Amy had just finished a very fruitful discussion and were sitting on the couch in his apartment sipping tea from their blue and yellow cups. There was a single knock on the door and it swung open, Leonard and Penny strolling in. Penny smiled at them and said brightly "Hey guys, we're headed out to grab some dinner, we were wondering if you'd like to join us." Before Sheldon and Amy could answer, however, Leonard shouted "Oh my God!" The others turned to find him staring up at the ceiling, eyes pointedly avoiding looking at the room. "What's wrong?" Sheldon asked, confused.

"Sheldon, what the hell is wrong with you?" he said, eyes fixed upwards. Penny looked at her husband and was about to ask what he meant, when her eyes fell on the large whiteboard placed near the hallway. It clearly contained a rather explicit numbered list of sexual positions and activities, many of which had large green checkmarks by them. "Oh!" Gasping slightly, she turned her back.

Leonard continued "You can't leave info like that lying around, Sheldon, no one wants to know. **No one**."

Sheldon shrugged as he replied "Well I didn't invite you over. You let yourselves in."

Leonard rolled his eyes, but couldn't refute his logic.

"I think we'll pass on dinner, thank you," Amy replied, a hint of laughter in her voice. "I'll catch up with you tomororw, Bestie."

Leonard and Penny hurried out of the apartment and started down the stairs, shaking their heads. Leonard was the first to speak.

"I can't believe Sheldon would even make that list, let alone write it on the board in the middle of the living room. Ugh. I kinda miss the days when he didn't even want anyone to say the word sex around him."

"Yeah, pretty crazy," Penny mused. "But, um, did you see the 4th one down that they had checked off? I can NOT believe they did that!"

"I noticed." Leonard gave a small shudder. "I guess our little Shamy is all grown up."

"Yeah, and apparently flexible as hell" muttered Penny as they passed through the front doors of the building.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N_** _: This is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Sunday morning at 10am Penny and Bernadette knocked on the door of 4A, ready to take Amy to brunch as planned. Sheldon answered and let them in.

Penny glanced around curiously. "Hey Moonpie," she started, happy to see Sheldon roll his eyes. "Is Amy still getting ready?"

"Ready for what?" Sheldon asked, furrowing his brows.

"She's supposed to go to brunch with us today" piped up Bernadette.

"Ugh, brunch." Sheldon made a face. "Better with you than with me. But she didn't mention it to me and she's still sleeping. I could go wake her up if you want, but I think she's pretty tired today."

Penny sighed, knowing there was no way they'd make their reservation now. It wasn't like Amy to forget their plans. "Yeah, maybe the restaurant will let us in late. Leonard told me you were making her watch all the X-Men movies last night? I guess I can see why she'd be exhausted" Penny chuckled.

Sheldon had started down the hallway toward the bedrooms, but stopped to look back over his shoulder at the two blondes. "Well, I assume it was mostly due to the sex," Sheldon shrugged, "but sure, maybe the movies, too."

Penny and Bernadette gaped at each other. Bernadette was the first to speak "Do we wait and chance missing brunch, or get the hell out of here now so we don't have to hear any more about last night and can start drinking?"


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N_** _: This is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Howard, Bernadette and Raj walked into 4A carrying bags of Thai food. "Dinner has arrived!" Raj called to Sheldon, Amy, Leonard and Penny, who were sitting in their usual spots on and about the couch. "Thank you Rajesh" said Amy happily, starting to unpack the bags while Penny went to the kitchen to retrieve the silverware and napkins.

The gang sat around discussing costume plans for Halloween which was fast approaching. As the conversation between the guys got more heated (old vs new DC Comics costumes being the debate) Bernadette jumped in, hoping to break the tension "So, what's up for the rest of the night?"

Sheldon, taking the bait asked "Oh yes, it is Anything Can Happen Thursday! So what do you all want to do tonight?" The guys all started naming games they could play. Amy, however, leaned into Sheldon and whispered something in his ear. Sheldon's body snapped bolt upright and he looked at her wide-eyed as he exclaimed "In my SPOT?!"

Their dining companions glanced around uncomfortable, but curious...surely they weren't talking about...

Sheldon practically leapt off the couch "Alright everyone, great seeing you, now it's time to leave!" and they were all summarily ushered out the door, food containers still in hand.


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N_** _: This is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Penny knocked on the door late one Sunday morning, looking for milk for her cereal. Sheldon, dressed in his plaid jammies and robe, let her in and sat back down to continue watching Doctor Who. "I thought Amy was staying over last night?" she asked, walking toward the fridge.

"Yes, she did. She's still in bed. When we wake up and have coitus in the morning she likes to go back to sleep for a while."

Penny made a face and turned around and walked out.

Sheldon looked after her in surprise. "What about the milk?"

As Penny shut the door he heard her mumble "Never mind, I'm not hungry anymore."


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N_** _: This is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

"Man, that never gets old," Sheldon sighed, turning off the TV."

"Nope," agreed Leonard, Howard and Raj.

"No, I can totally how watching the same space movie for the, what 312th time, never gets old," chimed in Amy.

"Yeah, and making your wives and girlfriend watch it again really never gets old," added Bernadette.

"Excuse me," lectured Sheldon, "I distinctly remember the 3 of you ladies saying it was our choice tonight. We chose. You should consider it an honor to watch one of the best movies ever made with 4 experts on every fact related to said film. Go ahead, ask us any question about any plot point or any of the characters, major or minor. From the books, radio plays, TV or movies. Go on."

Penny rolled her eyes pointedly looking away from Sheldon. "So Amy, what are you up to this week? "

"Well, actually, I need to run back over to my old lab at UCLA on Tuesday morning to review our last experiment results with the current team. They're doing some exciting work building on my last study. If it continues to go as well as it currently is, they'll end up publishing before the end of the year, and I'll be cited as a contributing author," Amy gushed happily.

"Wow, that sounds...great," Penny smiled. "Hey, if you're going to UCLA and back you'll pass right by Zangen. You should pop in for lunch. Oh but shoot, Tuesday? I think I'll be in doctor visits all day. But you could meet Bernadette for lunch!"

Amy considered the suggestion, but then shook her head slightly. "Oh, that's a nice idea, but I was already planning to go by and meet Bernadette for lunch Thursday before a symposium your company is giving on pharmaceutical support for addiction recovery. I wouldn't want to pull her away from work a second day."

"That's ok Amy, I'd love to see you." Bernadette announced from her seat next to Amy on the sofa. "You could totally come twice."

Her husband, seated on the floor near her feet, looked up to her conspiratorially. "Remember she's sleeping with Sheldon now, coming once seems unlikely, let alone twice" Howard snickered with a leer.

"You're right Howard, once or even twice would be ridiculous. You know Sheldon's cute little compulsions mean prefers to do things in threes," Amy replied, shooting a saucy wink toward Sheldon who was just pulling a bottle of water out of the fridge and returned her wink with a sly smile.

Bernadette smirked, biting her lip, and reached her hand down to lift and close her tiny husband's jaw, which had settled somewhere around his chest.


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N_** _: This is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

The guys were clustered around the sofa in 4A as usual, just beginning to unpack their dinner. Everyone was there except Penny and Bernadette, who would be a little late due to an all-company meeting that afternoon.

Howard had been a little grumpy all day, owing to his relative lack of sex at home recently (Bernie had been working too late, too often), and problems with a new piece of equipment he was developing for the International Space Station. So pretty much everything was annoying him.

And at that moment he had decided that there had been far too much Shamy sex talk as of late and he thought tonight he would turn the tables on them and beat them to the punch. Glancing over to see Amy leaned across the kitchen island on tiptoe grabbing for forks and Sheldon walking up behind her he saw his moment.

"Hey Amy, try not to let Sheldon bend you over the counter and have his wicked way with you before we get to eat!" Howard quipped, proud of his quick wit. Raj and Leonard smirked along with him as they laid the takeout boxes on the coffee table.

Sheldon looked at him, his face confused. "Don't be ridiculous Howard. Given our considerable height difference the coffee table works far better for that."

At that Howard and Raj shot as far back in their chairs (and away from the offending piece of furniture) as possible. Wordlessly, Leonard immediately began picking up the boxes from the coffee table and placing them back into the bag. It could be another long night.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer** : I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre do, and hopefully will give us some delightful innuendos and outuendos from our dear Shamy in the near future._

 _ **A/N** : Remember, this is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

 **The Way Leonard and Penny Found Out**

There was no answer at the door of 4A when Leonard knocked, so he let himself in, Penny right behind. He was nearly moved out of the apartment, but still had a couple boxes in the storage closet and had come to claim one that held his warmer coats; fall was definitely starting in Pasadena.

"Oh man..." As he crossed to the closet Leonard bent down behind the couch to pick something up, holding it out to Penny. "I think Sheldon stole one of your bras again. What is he up to this time?"

Penny looked at him with wide eyes. "Um, Sweetie, that's not mine."

Leonard jumped in shock, quickly dropping the lacy purple garment back onto the floor. "What?"

He looked down at the item in question, only now noticing a scrap of floral fabric peeking out from under the back of the couch, as if it had slid off the leather and landed there. A blouse. _Oh boy._

Penny, meanwhile had noticed the unmistakeable striping of a woolen cardigan tossed over the back of the armchair and her huge grin was only just hidden behind her hand that covered her lips holding in a giggle. "Amy's purse is on the desk. Oh. my. god. Leonard!" she shrieked in an excited whisper.

"Let's get out of here," he wisely whispered back, dragging his wife by the hand. _Was that? Yep, it was._ He smirked on the way out, noticing the ball of fabric crumpled on the kitchen island, red with part of a white circle and yellow lightning bolt peeking out, a long black sleeve hanging off the edge of the counter. _Oh boy indeed._

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading. I really needed some happy Shamy fluff today. Y'all know what I'm talking about.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer** : I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre do, and hopefully will give us some delightful innuendos and outuendos from our dear Shamy in the near future._

 _ **A/N** : Remember, this is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

 **The Way Everyone Else Found Out**

 _Bang bang bang…_ "Sheldon, open up!"

He was headed for the shower when he heard the first knock and Howard's voice. No way was he opening the door to an uninvited Howard Wolowitz at 7:20am on a Saturday. Especially **this** Saturday.

"We know you're up, Sheldon, Doctor Who is on, but this is more important. Open the door."

Nothing.

 _Bang bang bang…_ "Sheldon, it's an emergency!"

The next voice was Raj's. That did it. Was it really an emergency? What could be wrong? _Leonard_? _Penny? They had gone away for the weekend, maybe something had happened. Oh no..._ Sheldon finally hurried over and pulled the door open.

"What's wrong?" he asked the pair. But their huge grins were enough to let him know no one's life was in danger.

"Didn't you get our texts?" Howard gaped at him. "Why aren't you dressed yet?"

"Uh, no, I haven't check my phone yet today."

Howard looked at him skeptically, Sheldon was always up early to turn on Doctor Who and today was the season finale. Except that the TV wasn't even turned on, he noticed, looking behind him into the apartment.

"Dude, William Shatner is doing a surprise signing at Capitol Comics today starting at 10am, we have to go, **NOW**!" Raj tried to grab Sheldon by the arm, though he was still in his pajamas. Well, his pajama pants and a white t-shirt in any case.

Sheldon turned quickly to look down the hall, his Vulcan hearing warning him of impending trouble.

"Sorry guys, you'll have to go without me. Thanks for coming by." He tried to push the door shut but the guys were half inside and Howard's foot held it open. He took in Sheldon's strange expression, only now noticing his uncharacteristic state of dress and rumpled hair.

"Man, what's wrong with you? Are you ok? This is **Captain KIRK** we're talking about…"

"Hey Cuddles, are you joining me in the shower or am I going to have to wash your favorite parts mysel-" Amy froze as soon as she had opened the bathroom door and saw Sheldon standing with the guys. She wore only the top half of Sheldon's pajama set, her glasses and an embarrassed expression.

Sheldon looked from his shocked vixen to his even more shocked friends. Howard and Raj wore identical blank expressions, their minds trying to process this unexpected turn of events. Sheldon took advantage of their uncharacteristic silence to push them ever so slightly backwards, nodding his head to them "Good day, gentlemen," and shutting the door in their faces.

"Dude."

"Yeah."

They remained motionless a moment longer until they heard Sheldon's voice from beyond the door.

"I'll show you what you can wash, little lady!"

"Dr. Cooper!" Amy squealed.

Thirty-two seconds later both men were already down in the lobby.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer** : I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre do, and hopefully will give us some delightful innuendos and outuendos from our dear Shamy in the near future._

 _ **A/N** : Remember, this is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

"Hey guys, sorry we started on the pizza and movie without you!" Penny called as the door to 4A opened and Amy and Sheldon walked in.

"That's ok, we're the ones who are late," she replied. True, it was Sheldon's apartment, but the group had agreed to hang out here tonight and the two of them would have been home a half hour ago if not for the incident.

"How was the mall?" Bernadette asked at the same time that Leonard questioned "What's wrong with Sheldon?"

The heads of all their other friends turned to look at the physicist, who stood behind Amy, pale and slightly sweaty, appearing a bit unsteady on his feet.

"He's ok, just a minor panic attack," Amy responded, removing both her outer cardigan and Sheldon's windbreaker and hanging them by the door.

"What? Why?" Leonard asked, concerned, rising to his feet. It had been quite a while since he had seen his best friend in this state.

"Oh, Amy, you didn't..." Penny said, noticing the large, telltale bag Amy clutched in her right hand.

"Well, there was a big sale, and I really did need a few things..." the neurobiologist replied with a guilty shrug.

"Wait, you took Sheldon into Victoria's Secret?!" Howard asked, aghast.

Sheldon looked blankly between his friends as they discussed him.

"Just for a few minutes..." Amy defended herself. "Everything was fine until a salesgirl came over and tried to be helpful." She crossed over to the kitchen, pulling Sheldon behind her by the hand. She set her bag down on the counter and pulled out water bottles for both of them, urging him to drink.

"What did she do?" Raj asked, confused.

Sheldon shuddered slightly as Amy replied. "Nothing really, she was just pulling items out to show me and, um, asking Sheldon which ones he liked." At this, Sheldon dropped his head into his hands, trying to banish the memory of the overly-made-up redhead shoving skimpy lingerie at him, then holding it up against Amy's body.

Howard and Raj snickered, imagining how uncomfortable that would have made Sheldon.

"Aw, I'm sorry, buddy," Leonard smiled sympathetically, shooting his grinning wife a slight glare. Sheldon nodded at his small friend, finally finding his voice.

"Thank you Leonard. I think a strongly worded letter to the company is in order," he croaked out.

"Maybe tomorrow," Amy grinned at him, patting his hand.

"Why don't you guys go ahead and turn the movie back on?" Amy suggested to the gang before turning to Sheldon.

"You've had a rough night," she said, taking his hand to pull him off the stool. "How about we just get you into bed?"

"Okay," he agreed, looking and sounding more like himself now. He started toward the hall, Amy following him. Halfway to the bathroom he glanced back at her and stopped. "What are you doing?" he asked, looking at her quizzically.

"I..was just following you to your room..." she answered, confused. She had intended to make sure he was really all right and tuck him in for the night. Maybe he didn't want her in there?

"I know THAT," he said rolling his eyes. The he looked intently at her. "Don't forget the **bag** ," he directed, emphasizing the last word and raising his eyebrows at her.

Amy's eyes widened in surprise and she blushed furiously before darting back to the kitchen to grab it. She practically skipped back down the hall, calling over her shoulder "Goodnight guys! Let yourselves out after the movie, please, and remember to lock up!"


	10. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer** : I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre do, and hopefully will give us some delightful innuendos and outuendos from our dear Shamy in the near future._

* * *

"I'm sure it's not that bad Raj," Leonard reassured him.

"Yeah, it's not like you and Emily hadn't had sex before and she still wanted to get back together with you. The sex must be fine," Howard opined.

Having only recently reconciled with Emily, Raj had planned a romantic weekend getaway for the two of them, but had returned less than enthused about how it progressed. The entirety of their Monday lunchtime conversation thusfar had centered around his worries.

Raj sighed heavily. "I know, I just never wanted it to be just **fine**. I mean I'm from India; we practically invented sex. There's even a book!" He shook his head sadly. "You guys are probably right, I'm sure it was ok. But I can't help feeling like she was disappointed in the weekend. I just wish women didn't have such different expectations about sex. I mean I'm just happy when I get it. Why can't they be?"

"Yeah, it's like women think sex should always last at least an hour or something..." Howard bemoaned, thinking back to a recent evening when his own wife had seemed less than ecstatic about their activities.

"Right?" Leonard agreed.

Sheldon, who had been buried in his phone, seemingly not paying attention, looked up at the guys, appearing slightly bewildered. "Doesn't it?"

"Doesn't...what...?" Leonard asked him quizically, assuming he was off on some tangent as usual; perhaps another Panda video on his phone.

Sheldon looked at them like they were the crazy ones. "Coitus. You were saying that women think it should always last at least an hour. Why wouldn't it?"

Howard snorted, as if he thought Sheldon was making a joke. Leonard just stared at Sheldon, unsure how to respond. _No, no, he looked serious._ It was Raj who found his voice first. "Uh, I may regret asking this, but Sheldon, how long do **you** think sex typically lasts?"

Sheldon looked at each of the guys in turn, wondering why there were staring at him so keenly. "Well, I wish I could say I kept a log book, but Amy said no to that idea. And no charts allowed." He frowned, shaking his head sadly. "She doesn't like it when I time it, either, but I'd say on average about 2 hours. Sometime longer...much longer the first time, of course," he said as if that was the most evident thing in the world. The other guys exchanged incredulous glances at that, but Sheldon pressed on. "Sometimes shorter...more like an hour if we're going for what she likes to call 'a quickie.' " He used air quotes on the last term, rolling his eyes slightly, but the edges of his mouth turning up into much too happy a smirk while he did so.

There was beat of silence, before Howard sat back, pushing his lunch tray away. "Yeah, yeah, that sounds about right..." he affirmed quickly, eyes on the floor attempting to hide his blush. _What the hell was happening here?_

"Oh yeah, that's about what I'd say, too." Leonard chimed in.

"Definitely." Raj agreed.

Sheldon stared wide-eyed at the other 3 men, his eyes roaming the table. "Well then why were you complaining that women expect it to be so?" He was thoroughly confused.

Leonard, as usual, jumped in to save the conversation. "Oh buddy, we were just joking around. You know, "Guy Talk." Men joke about sex, it's that whole locker room thing, you've just never been part of it before. Welcome to the club!" He smiled widely, patting Sheldon jovially on the back.

Sheldon paused a moment, considering this response. "Well alright then," he affirmed before picking up his tray and heading towards the exit. "Good-bye," he said nodding at them before leaving.

The friends watched his retreating back before turning to face each other again.

"What the hell was that?" Howard demanded.

"I'm a Romance Ninja AND The King of Foreplay and I wouldn't even know what to **do** for 2 hours!" Leonard stated.

"Do you think he's including a post-sex nap in that time?" Raj wondered, cocking his head thoughtfully. "I mean, he **is** new to all of this...maybe he thinks that's an official part of it?" he continued hopefully.

Silence descended over the table as each man was lost in his own thoughts.

At long last Howard spoke, rising from the table and collecting his tray. "So...just so we're clear...he's the one with something wrong with him, not us, right?" he questioned, trying to sound more confident than he felt. Leonard and Raj's replies came immediately, as they followed with their own trays.

"Oh yeah."

"Totally, dude."

The 3 parted ways as they left the cafeteria without another word.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer** : I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady & Chuck Lorre (all hail!) and Warner Bros do, of course._

 _ **Author's Note** : Just a reminder about this set of stories. It follows canon at least through Opening Night Excitation, then has fast forwarded to an unspecified time where Leonard and Penny have finally moved out and though the show is currently teasing the have-they-again-or-haven't-they mercilessly, in this collection of little snippets the Shamy definitely HAVE and their escapades, or at least references thereto, frequently leave their friends shaking their heads, or squirming in their seats. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

 **Sheldon's Other Birthday**

Sheldon watched Amy's alluring posterior swaying seductively in front of him as they climbed all the way to the 4th floor, barely registering the words she was speaking, justifying what she had said at the car as she attempted to drop him off at the curb.

"I'm just saying, you're the one who said you thought you were too tired to go out and celebrate your birthday. Then you said you have an early morning tomorrow. And **then** you told me you really wanted to finish your paper tonight. You were nice enough to join me for dinner, but now I really should let you go."

 _Hadn't she realized those were all clever excuses to attempt to get out of celebrating his birthday? But then she had looked at him with her sparkling green eyes and said "pleeeeeease" and he had acquiesced. The things this little vixen could get him to do..._

Still, she had promised there would be no friends, no hullabaloo, just the two of them going to dinner; she hadn't even told the waiter it was his birthday to make them sing embarassingly to him, and he loved her for it. And of course there was the fact that, as she had mentioned with a wink, she had purchased a special dress for the occasion. Very special indeed, it turned out, as it had a neckline that reminded him of her prom dress and it was only with great difficulty that he had kept himself from staring at the gentle rise of her cleavage throughout dinner.

These temptations were not new to him, but the strength of them these days still took him by surprise, sometimes. He had been slightly unprepared to find that once they had become intimate, rather than being less affected by seeing little glimpses of her skin, or hints of her figure under the layers she typically wore (now that the mysteries had been revealed, so to speak), he was instead more affected than ever. It seemed once he had seen her naked body, touched it everywhere, had his mouth all over her...well any slight reminder brought his eidetic memory screaming to life and set his mind spinning. Tonight was no different. Last week when Amy had asked what he wanted for his birthday he had had a hard time coming up with ideas. But now he knew **exactly** what he wanted. He knew very, **very** specifically, in fact, and his idea did not begin with her having one drink and then leaving him alone.

As they reached the 4th floor Amy turned to face him. "Ok Birthday Boy, like I said, one cup of tea, that's it, ok?" she admonished, doing a terrible job of biting back a smirk.

She had known, of course, that all Sheldon's protests were pathetic attempts to avoid marking his birthday, but she just couldn't let that be. _His entrance into the world was the best thing that had ever happened to her and it deserved at least a little festivity, darn it!_ Besides, unbeknownst to Sheldon, her taking him out had foiled the group's plan to ambush him with pizza, cake and presents. Penny had been disappointed to hear he would be out with Amy so they couldn't force themselves upon him. Besides, Amy's plan was much more fun for **both** of them. She hadn't missed how Sheldon gulped upon seeing her when she picked him up tonight, nor the way he ogled her in the car when he thought she was concentrating on the road, and attempted to remain gentlemanly and look at her face throughout dinner. It made her feel both beautiful and desirable, and she loved it. And she found his little intake of breath as she bent over to adjust her shoe just as she began ascending the stairs in front of him at Los Robles to be rather encouraging, as was the fact that his respiration rate clearly increased as they climbed, and she didn't think it was from exertion. _It was clear he was enjoying her ensemble this evening, and he hadn't ever seen what was **under** the dress. **Yet**. Silly man, of course she would stay with him, but she was enjoying playing with him in the meantime._

Instead of replying to her declaration, Sheldon glanced furtively around the landing, cocking his head to ensure he heard no noise from the stairs or especially from 4B. Then he turned back to Amy, returning her smirk. He closed the distance between them in one step, pinning her to the door. Amy had only time enough to take a quick breath in surprise before Sheldon engulfed her, his arms wrapping tightly around her, his mouth claiming hers insistently, his kiss immediately deep and intense. She felt his right arm release her as his hand fumbled with keys, then the doorknob, while his left slid down to grab her behind, pulling her hard to him as the door fell away from her back.

His hungry kiss never faltered as he walked her three steps backward, forcefully closing the door with his foot, then pivoting to push her against it again from the other side. He pressed his pelvis into her, hard, as he grasped her left leg and hitched it up toward his waist, raising her up on the toes of her right foot, eliciting a surprised squeak from Amy.

Sheldon finally pulled his lips from hers, sliding them quickly along her jawline to her ear. "I need you, Amy. Stay with me?" His voice was deep and rough. _"Oh god yes..."_ Amy was about to reply when someone else beat her to it.

"Ahem."

Both Sheldon and Amy froze as they opened their eyes for the first time since entering the apartment. Their eyes met for a moment, mortified. Sheldon lowered Amy's leg before gripping her hand and turning to face their audience which he assumed must be Leonard and Penny. _Would they ever stop letting themselves into his home?!_  
The amorous couple found themselves face to face, yes, with Leonard and Penny. But also with Howard and Bernadette, Raj, Stuart, Emily and Wil Wheaton, who all stood under a bouquet of balloons and a banner that proclaimed HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

For a moment there was only silence before Stuart finally spoke "Um, surprise?"

* * *

 _ **Author's Note** : Yes, we all thought the 200th episode was cute, but I had in mind a little bit of a different type of celebration...maybe next year, huh? :-)_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Disclaimer** : I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre do, and hopefully the will give soon begin mining the rich soil of potential Shamy over-sharing coital humor. Until then, I'm here._

 _ **A/N** : Reminder: this is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

"Hey sweetie!" Penny called brightly as she let herself in to 4A.

"Get out." came the terse reply before she even saw Sheldon. Surprised by a tone she had rarely heard him use she cast her eyes quickly about the apartment in search of him. Spying him standing behind the kitchen island she furrowed her brow.

"What's wrong, Sheldon?" Penny asked, nonplussed.

"I said get out. Now." His back was to her and he didn't bother turning to face her, she noted.

"Geez, what's your problem? I just came to borrow some milk, then I'll be out of your hair. Sheesh," she huffed, taking two steps toward him before stopping again at his reply.

"Penny, I'm **not** going to tell you again. You need to leave. **Immediately**." His voice was strained and she noted for the first time that his neck and ears were bright red.

"Why?" she demanded. She wasn't sure whether to be worried about him, or angry at his downright rude behavior.

"Because I am not alone," he managed to say, sounding like he was speaking though clenched teeth. "Amy is here."

"Ooooookay..." Penny said, not any less confused that 30 seconds earlier. She glanced around the apartment. "Where is she? Did you guys have a fight?" she couldn't think of any other reason for his weirdness.

"Hey bestie!" Amy's voice rang out, also from the kitchen. Penny narrowed her eyes, considering this new development, just in time for Amy to pop up from in front of Sheldon, a grin on her face. Too big a grin. The pieces clicked into place in her mind...Sheldon not turning around, having trouble speaking, Amy on the floor in front of him...

"Oh my god!" Penny nearly shouted, covering her eyes and turning around simultaneously. "Oh my god guys, I am SO sorry...I'm going, I'm going..." she kept repeating, flying out of the apartment and slamming the door.

Amy watched her go, then turned her megawatt smile on Sheldon. "Well **that** was fun!"

"I'll say!" he agreed, flashing a satisfied grin of his own. "You are brilliant, Dr. Fowler!"

"Man I would love to hear what she tells Leonard!" Amy laughed.

Sheldon joined her laughter before saying more seriously, "I'm sure she's offering a scandalized recitation to him across the hall as we speak in which I somehow appear to be the antagonist. I will certainly be hearing about that."

"Well she deserved it!" Amy declared. "I can't believe you managed not to laugh, your face was so red I thought you were going to lose it for sure."

"Sheldon Cooper does not _lose it,_ " he admonished, giving her a look of haughty derision. "I am an excellent actor, I'll have you know." This statement was met with a matching look of haughty derision from Amy herself. "Ok," he agreed, "it was difficult, but worth it. Even Leonard, a resident of this apartment for more than a decade, knocks now and yet she keeps just barging in whenever she wants, using her emergency key in clear violation of the Neighbor Agreement," he shook his head in annoyance.

"After today hopefully you can kiss that problem goodbye!" Amy went on happily, reaching for the trashcan once again and dropping back to her knees. "Let me finish cleaning up this popcorn and we can turn the movie on."

Sheldon continued to look at his vixen in amazement at her quick thinking and the fact that she was so happy to help him with anything that was bothering him. Of course the fact that she was currently crawling around on her knees, grabbing stray popcorn bits from under the cabinet edges with her lush backside swaying in the air toward him helped keep his eyes focused on her as well.

"There we go!" Amy said brightly, once again rising to stand before Sheldon. "Your favorite movie cued up, gourmet popcorn popped, spilled popcorn cleaned up and Operation Sheldon's Privacy put into place, all by yours truly. How did you get so lucky?" she joked, winking at him.

He grabbed her wrist as she attempted to walk past him. "I have no idea," he said softly, his voice coming out rougher than he expected. "You're a genius," he declared simply, kissing her. "So, how did you come up with that idea so quickly?" he asked, trying to appear nonchalant. In reality, he couldn't shake the sight of her, kneeling before him on the kitchen floor, eyes locked on his while they teamed up _'to teach Penny a lesson,'_ as Amy had referred to it, hearing her key in the lock as they were cleaning up the mess Amy's buttery hands had inadvertently made when she attempted to grab the popcorn bowl.

 _"Confound it, Penny is letting herself in again!" Sheldon had whined, rising from the floor as he heard her fumbling with her key in the lock. He was intending to go deliver a lecture, **again** , on the sanctity of a man's castle (or fortress of solitude as the case may be) when Amy stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Sheldon, I have an idea," she had said, pulling him around to face away from the door and giving him a devilish grin as she moved to kneel directly in front of him. He had been shocked as she quickly, yet graphically enough, explained what Penny would assume once she found out Amy was there and she had been spot on. Well, shocked was maybe not quite the right word. It started as shocked as he recognized the act she was essentially simulating by their position, but as he stood there, their eyes locked, her face indeed merely inches from his pelvis, the swell of her cardigan-clad breasts visible beyond her upturned face, he was hit by a powerful wave of arousal. All his life he had considered the act of fellatio as somehow demeaning or disrespectful yet since their relationship had become sexual he found there were a great many things he had never before considered that he now definitely wanted to do with Amy. And then there was the fact that the act they were portraying had in fact featured prominently in his dream the prior night (well, ok, several nights) and he had a decent idea of what she might look like knelt there naked and how he might feel if he were as well. Then Penny left and everything went back to normal. Except he still couldn't get that image out of his mind. What had driven Amy to suggest this ruse, and why now?_ He realized he was holding his breath awaiting her reply to his query.

Amy's eyes widened and her cheeks flushed at his question as she quickly turned toward the couch carrying their snacks. "Oh...uh...you know I was just...there and it suddenly seemed like it could be a very, um, compromising position..." she stammered. Somehow she didn't think he'd appreciate the comparison her mind had made to a lollipop, or a banana ( **not** the way good girls eat them!) in that split second in which she had turned and found herself face-to-groin with him as he rose looking at the door in dismay at Penny's arrival. _No, better to find a different way to broach the subject another time._

His heart pounded a little faster. He was no expert on nonverbal cues in general, but he was getting pretty good at reading many of Amy's. He crossed the room and took her hand, noting that the pulse in her wrist was elevated like his and her pupils were larger than was strictly necessary for the room's lighting. "Is that the only reason?" he asked hopefully. Thanks in large part to Amy's frequent reminders, he was getting better at letting her know what he wanted from their physical relationship. He inhaled deeply before leaning in toward her ear, his hot breath making her shiver as he let her in on the secret of the other part of his dream. "Because you know, I'm given to understand that that particular compromising position goes both ways."

Sheldon was rewarded with a surprised look from his girlfriend before her lips pressed his in a hungry kiss that he never broke as he pulled her with him down the hall toward the bedroom.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! I love sharing my silly little ideas with you, and I really, really love reading your reviews and hearing what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

_**Disclaimer** : I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre do, and hopefully the will give soon begin mining the rich soil of potential Shamy over-sharing coital humor. Until then, I'm here._

 _ **A/N** : Reminder: this is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much series began before Opening Night Excitation so veers off from the canon plotline just before that. The series does, however, occur sometime after Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Amy smiled as she settled more deeply into Sheldon's side, enjoying the feeling of his arm around her shoulders as some dopey space movie played on the television. It really didn't matter what they watched if she could sit here like this all evening. She let her mind drift to the latest results of her study, analyzing and re-analyzing the data, evaluating her new hypothesis and thinking of other experiments she could design to attempt to prove her ideas. _Maybe the Research Ethics office will give us clearance to try-_ her reverie was interrupted by the opening door as Leonard and Penny entered the apartment. She felt Sheldon tense up as he pointed the remote at the DVD player and hit pause. He cast her a slightly uncomfortable look and she felt the undercurrent of nervous anticipation. She offered him a small, hopefully reassuring, smile before turning to her bestie and producing a larger, fake, one. "Hello! How was dinner?"

"Eih," Penny shrugged. "The food was ok. I wouldn't go there again. The drinks were stiff, though, so the evening wasn't a total loss. How's the movie?"

"Wonderful." "Ok." Sheldon and Amy answered at the same time.

Leonard grinned at them. "We'll get out of your hair. We thought we'd go to bed early and, uh, read." Penny winked at him and walked down the hall toward their room. Leonard opened the fridge and grabbed a water bottle, pausing to open it and take a drink. He started to put the cap on, then froze. "Sheldon?" Amy's heart skipped a beat. This was it. "What the hell is this?!"

"I believe it is a bottle of supposedly 'natural' spring water," Sheldon replied, allowing his trademark condescension to cover his nerves. "Unless you are referring not to your beverage but to the appliance from which you removed it, in which case it is a refrigerator."

"Not that," Leonard said, exasperated. **"That** ," he jabbed his finger toward a rectangle of white on the door.

"Oh," Sheldon said in mock surprise. "That's a new chart." Amy could see him looking toward her out of the corner of her eye, but she avoided turning to meet his gaze.

"I can see that," Leonard declared. "What is it doing on our fridge? You can't possibly think you're keeping this here."

"I do," Sheldon replied simply, not meeting his eyes.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, the...um...roommate agreement, section...uh...whatever...says we can't 'add any additional magnets, decorations or other accoutrements to the front or side of the fridge without a vote'." Leonard looked inordinately pleased with himself as he folded his arms and tilted his chin up towards Sheldon.

Sheldon narrowed his eyes and stood, no longer sheepish now that there were hard facts to present. "No. You forgot that Section 3 Paragraph 12 of The Roommate Agreement, besides barring unnecessary additions, clearly specifies that 'Sheldon Cooper may post one, and only one, Biological Process Chart on the apartment refrigerator.' If you will recall I had originally defined this clause as specifically allowing my Bowel Movement Chart, but you insisted on changing terminology because, and here I quote you yourself, Leonard, 'The word bowel should never be written anywhere. It's bad enough it's on my fridge, I don't want it in any documents I sign.' The language is yours. It is true that heretofore I have used this clause to allow me to post a monthly Bowel Movement calendar, but you will note that it has been removed and replaced with the current calendar, which means I am operating within the legal bounds of our agreement. Copulation, as much as excretion, is indeed a biological process. If you doubt the validity of my point I suggest you consult my girlfriend, the neuro **biologist**." Sheldon inclined his head towards Amy, still seated in her place on the couch, folded his arms across his chest and regarded the shorter man defiantly.

Leonard continued to stare at Sheldon. As usual, his logic was sound. And as usual, it pissed Leonard off all the more. "You know what, Sheldon? You're right. You can post your creepy chart on the fridge. I can't stop you. But you know what I can do? I can leave. I don't have to stay here and deal with this. I'm a married man with an apartment of my own. I honestly don't even know why I've stayed this long. Keep your chart, Penny and I are moving out this weekend." He stalked off down the hall to notify his wife of his decision.

Sheldon made his way back across the living room to the couch and sat down next to his girlfriend, who was watching him closely. He let out a long, slow breath before turning to Amy, his face breaking into a smile. "It's about time!"

Amy smiled back at him, relieved. "I told you that would put him over the edge."

"Yes, you were absolutely correct," Sheldon confirmed. "You brain monkeys really know human behavior," he stated in admiration, shaking his head. "Most impressive, Dr. Fowler."

"Why thank you, Dr. Cooper," she smirked, leaning close to him and enunciating this title in the way she knew he liked as her lips came teasingly close to his, her hand resting on his upper thigh.

Sheldon gave her a disappointingly brief peck on the lips before rising from the couch. "They haven't moved out YET, Little Lady," he reminded, holding out his hand to invite her to stand as well. "Tea?"

Amy hid her dismay and rose to join him. "Yes, please." Of course he was right, starting a make-out session on the couch right now wasn't the best idea. They moved into the kitchen and she pulled down cups and the tea box while Sheldon set the kettle on to boil.

Just then Leonard emerged from the hallway, accompanied by sound of a slamming door as Penny flew into the room, carrying an armload of the clothes she had been keeping in Leonard's room. "A sex chart? Really, Sheldon? Gross." She went straight through the living room and was out the door without another word. As Leonard, carrying his own armload, reached the door to follow her, Penny briefly stuck her head back in and offered a pitying smile at Amy. "We'll talk tomorrow, Ames. Are you ok?" _Sheldon can be such an ass, poor Amy_ was what she was clearly thinking.

"Yes, thank you," it was all Amy could do to bite back a laugh. Yet she was worried how Sheldon would actually handle it if Leonard and Penny were, in fact, leaving the apartment for good. Was this really happening?

As if to answer her internal question Leonard stopped by the door briefly and turned to face Sheldon. "We'll get the rest on Saturday." A pause, the weight of the moment settling in. Leonard seemed to reconsider his anger, but not his actions. "We're ok, right Buddy?"

"Of course," Sheldon replied with a curt nod, and then Leonard was gone, the door clicking shut loudly, the room silent for a moment until the kettle began to whistle. Amy felt momentarily conflicted. This had been the plan all along. It had even been her idea when Sheldon was complaining again about sharing his space with both Hofstadters. Find something so objectionable that it was sure to make Leonard snap: create the proverbial straw to break the camel's back. And it had worked. Beautifully, actually. But would Sheldon be as excited now that it had happened as he was when they had cooked up the idea? Would he resent her if he wasn't?

"Um, Sheldon?" she ventured, grabbing his attention as he reached for the steaming kettle. "Are you doing ok?"

Sheldon looked at her in surprise. "Of course," he stated again, as he had just done with Leonard. But then, looking at Amy and realizing she was concerned for him, he went on. "Amy, I have coddled Leonard and catered to his every whim for far too long. It is time that little bird left the nest and learned how to fly."

Amy smiled at her boyfriend's description of the mens' relationship, knowing that everyone else on the planet would see it as the exact opposite. Yet his unique way of looking at the world was unquestionably one of the things she loved most about him (when it wasn't one of the things driving her craziest about him.) She decided that, incredibly, he did indeed seem ok with the events of the evening and she would stop worrying and enjoy being alone with him at last. As Sheldon busied himself with prepping their tea she wandered idly over to the fridge to inspect the paper that started it all. Magneted onto the fridge, in the spot formerly occupied by the infamous bowel movement chart, was a paper entitled Coital Activity Calendar. It bore the name of the month in large font and underneath was neatly divided into 31 numbered squares. In many of the boxes Sheldon's tidy script detailed various sexual activities and positions that were meant to be –

"Sheldon!" Amy cried involuntarily as her eyes scanned the page.

There was a clatter as he dropped the spoon he had been stirring with into a mug in fright at her sudden cry. "What?!" Then as the spoon's impact caused hot water to splop out of the mug and onto his bare hand: "Ow! Dear lord! What?!"

"Did – " _oh my god tell me he didn't_ "- did you detail our **actual** activities on this chart?!" her voice rose in pitch, sounding slightly strangled.

Sheldon's brow furrowed in confusion. "Of course," he replied for the 3rd time that evening. He turned to the sink and ran cold water over his scalded hand. "Look what you made me do."

"You recorded all the sexual activities we have engaged in this month and wrote them on the fridge for Leonard to see?!" Amy was nearly shouting now.

"Yes," Sheldon replied simply, turning off the water. He turned to her, finally noticing she seemed upset. "I thought that was the point." He was more confused than ever. _Why on earth should she be upset? This was all her idea. And it was a brilliant one._

"No," Amy spoke through slightly clenched teeth, drawing breath through her nose, trying not to shout at her clueless boyfriend. "The point was to make him **think** that is what you did. I thought you would just make up some things to write down." _Leonard had seen all that? Oh no, this was mortifying_!

"But I didn't need to make anything up. I remember exactly what we did," he said, still not sure why she was upset.

"I know, I know, Mr. I Have An Eidetic Memory I'm So Much Smarter Than Everyone Else," her voice was rising again and she knew she was being mean but she couldn't stop herself. _It was just so embarrassing to think someone knew all the intimate details of –_ Sheldon's voice interrupted her internal monologue as she felt him take her hand.

"Amy Farrah Fowler, get a hold of yourself, woman!" he exclaimed. His voice, however was kind. "Yes, my eidetic memory is one thing that likely helps makes me smarter than most people, but even without an eidetic memory I would remember the things we do together." He looked at her intently. "I apologize if my actions were not what you expected. I'm not ashamed of any of the activities we engage in and thus never thought to lie about them on the calendar. If you are worried about what Leonard thinks, don't be. I'm not."

She gazed into his guileless blue eyes and knew he meant every word. His touched had calmed her and his words warmed her. She took a deep breath and nodded. "Ok," she smiled at him, touched as his sweetness, whether intentional or not. "And Sheldon," she laid her own hand on his arm to still him as he began to turn back to the counter, "thank you." He smiled back and planted a light kiss on her forehead before turning to finish cleaning up the sloshed water and dispose of their teabags.

Amy let her eyes roam back over the posted calendar, savoring the memories of the wonderful times listed. No, even without an eidetic memory she wouldn't forget, either. She sighed happily and was about to suggest they return to their movie when something caught her eye. _Huh?_

"Um, Sheldon..." she began, "I think there is a problem with your calendar..."

"How so?" he asked, not even looking up as he lifted a mug in each hand and started towards the sofa.

"We've, um, never done this..." she said, pointing at a square. She felt her pulse speed up at the mere thought of the actions written there.

"Oh, yes, well..." Amy turned to see a smirking Sheldon. "I think you better check the date on that square," he said, winking at her.

 _Did he just WINK at me? What the - ?_ Amy quickly turned back to the calendar. **Today**. It was written on today. Her wide eyes swiveled to Sheldon who suddenly seemed to be standing very close to her. He took another step, his long arms reaching on either side of her and setting their cups down on the counter behind. "Did you really want that tea?" His voice was low, his eyes locked on hers. His hands remained on the edge of the counter, effectively pinning her between his arms.

"No," she shook her head, swallowing hard, suddenly feeling out of breath. "No, not at all."

Sheldon gazed down at her with an expression that made her legs turn to jelly. "Good," he said softly, looking between her lips and her eyes in a way that reminded her powerfully of the first time he kissed her. That night she had stood in shock wondering if he was about to do it again, but he hadn't. This time he did not disappoint. When his lips met hers Amy thought her legs might give out, but his arms were already there, wrapped tightly around her, pulling her close. Within minutes Sheldon's hands had moved to the buttons on her cardigan, hastily undoing each. Without breaking apart they moved in unison out of the kitchen to head towards the bedroom. As they passed the fridge Amy managed to snake her hand out and pull the chart from its surface, crumpling it and dropping it in the trash as they went by. Some things really were meant to be kept private.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Lenny need to move out of 4A, right? How great would it be if it is Sheldon himself who finally tells them it's time to go? I want that to happen on the show SO BADLY! Thanks for reading! Review and let me know what you think. Any other great ideas for how Sheldon can get Lenny out of 4A (and hopefully move Amy in soon after)?


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